It's been one week since we received THE CALL, telling us about this BEAUTIFUL baby boy. Hard to believe that it's only been one week really because, every time I look at his picture (which is OFTEN), I get this sense that he has always been with me, a part of me; he seems SO familiar to me despite the fact that I've never met him. Everything about him, his story, how he fits with our family - PERFECT, God-ordained. And yet his story, like that of all adopted children, consists of loss. And already, I mourn with him and for him.
It's been a week of reflection - remembering how the Spirit's moving prompted us to begin this journey about a year ago, reflecting on this baby boy's story and the lives of his biological family members, wondering how God orchestrated such a multitude of events to bring us this particular, precious child. It's been a time of questioning - with all of my inadequacies, can I really give this baby boy exactly what he needs? Will God give me the words to speak when his questions start flying? Can I hold him tightly enough that he undoubtedly knows unconditional love and grace, while still acknowledging that he (like our biological children) are only "on loan" to us from God and need to be held loosely in some respects as well? Etc.
It's been a busy week too - lots of referral acceptance paperwork (which we hope to have in the mail tomorrow), and lots of remodeling projects around the house (which we thought we'd have months to complete, and now...maybe not!) :) I expected to feel more anxious than I do, more "in a frenzy," more "I'm SO ready to jump on a plane right this moment" and really, I have been experiencing only PEACE about our timeline - court date, travel, embassy date, more travel... :)
As I read back over what I've written so far, it seems kind of inconsistent - like I'm at peace and learning to trust, and I'm in awe of God and this precious little peanut He has for us, but I'm also questioning myself and going through this super introspective thought process about the how's and why's of God's plans and the stories He weaves in lives...such a strange emotional state to be in, really!
All of this to say, we LOVE this baby boy with all our hearts! We have had a lovely "week after," and can't wait to hold him in our arms. :)
Where does the time go??
14 years ago
2 comments:
:)
i think this is a wonderful post! it shows how our emotions really ARE all over the place through adoption... you feel SO MANY different things all at the same time! i'm SO excited for you guys and cannot WAIT to see pictures of your little guy!!!! you're going to be a WONDERFUL mommy to him!
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